Well, it's another ordinary day. I do the usual routine of my daily life - wake up, take a bath, change clothes and eat. After all these things, I go to school. The truth is I do not want to go to school. Why? Maybe because I do not have anyone to talk to. Maybe because I do not want to do all those tiresome activities. Or maybe because I am afraid to be judged, criticized.
Criticisms, my adviser says is a good way to help us improve ourselves. If you are criticized, you should feel good because someone even bothers about your own existence. Let's face it. Not everyone wants to be criticized in front of people and I am one of them. When someone says something bad about you in front of your face or behind your back, do you feel good? Or even inspired?
Hell. NO.
Again, my teacher says that if you cannot accept criticisms then you are not mentally healthy. She tells me that I am one of those not mentally healthy people. Maybe she is right, maybe I am not mentally healthy. I sometimes fail to do my responsibility as a leader. I smile when I forgot the things she assigned me to do. I set my emotionless face to work every time she scolds the whole class.
I always feel a gush of guilt and fear, every time I look at my teacher's face. Guilt because I was not able to do my part in the class. Fear because I absolutely do not want to hear her never-ending scoldings. BLAH.BLAH.BLAH.
I admit I am a coward. I fear even the tiniest of things. I do not want people to know my mistakes my disabilities as a person. I do not want my friends to realize that maybe they have chosen the wrong person as a friend.
I am afraid. I feel lonely right now. I want someone to help me. But who will? I wrote this to relieve my emotional stress. I am the only one who could help myself. No one can help me, not even my parents, not even my closest friends.
No one will ever save me from this LIVING HELL.
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