Tis Feeling of Boredom

Ok. It's a weekend once again, and once again I am inside my room for a whole day, facing my laptop. My room mate, Lich, is now currently in a family reunion in Pampanga. She goes home every Friday, leaving me all alone in our room. It's not that I don't know anybody inside the dorm. In fact, there's Nins from Sci-high, Pakson, Chai, Maico?, Naomi, and Corazon from Pisay Visayas, I kind of like know them. There's also Choli and Gella, whom I always hang out and eat with. I could always hang out with this people but I don't like them to think of me as clingy. We all live separate lives; we have our own ways and paths. But still I can't help this feeling of boredom welling inside of me. I want to go to the mall but the heat! The heat! It's burning!

I just ate cup noodles for supper which I didn't finish.. I even vomited some of its contents. Seriously, it was disgusting. The noodles were all soggy and the smell was unappealing. I promised to myself that I would never have cup noodles for supper again. Eww. I'd rather eat biscuits for the whole day than eat those cup noodles again.

At least, I have a laptop. If I didn't have a laptop, I would really die of boredom. Seriously. The TV at the area wouldn't even help me relieve my boredom. Speaking of the TV, "wala jud kay madungan bisag magpaduol pa ka." The TV is simply useless. 

I'm not really complaining. I'm just kind of describing my situation. I'm still happy that I am still here in UP Diliman. And hopefully, I will graduate with honors, if possible. I kind of need to prove myself because I made a lot mistakes in my high school life, especially in my fourth year. I was totally a failure and a loser, a disgrace, if I may add. But that's all in the past right? I just need to move on. Yes! Move on!

Time Flies So Fast

I just graduated high school last three weeks. I will be opening another new door in my life. I will be writing another chapter in my book. I will add new notes to my composition. I will be creating another path for me to explore, to discover and to improve.

I will be going to college.

Truthfully, I don't think I'm that ready to step into that new world. The world which I think is suited for adults and for mature people. I don't think I have the confidence to go into the world where everything seems so far out of my reach. Yesterday, I felt like I was still in high school. Now, that I think about it, I am already out of high school. Yesterday, I felt like I was still enjoying my high school days. Now, as I face reality, I am so out of my high school days.

It seems everything was like yesterday. But I shouldn't worry because yesterday was yesterday, today is a new day. Right?

Like a Soaring Bird

Seriously, I haven't blogged for days already. I need to update.

Now, that I am officially free I have always felt that I am always floating in CLOUD 9. No responsibilities. Nothing to worry about. It's as if I can do anything that I want now. I am a bird who has realized how vast the sky is and how prepared I am to venture to the beyond. It's embarrassing at first but then you get started to get used to it. After getting used to it, people will get used to it and then the gossip will die down. 

Now, that I am free from any restrictions. I can feel that I can express myself more properly. Lately, I felt that I am more confident than before and that I can always find a reason to smile. The past still haunts me but I try to put all those wasteful thoughts at the back of my head. I try to remember the lines that gave me the courage to move on. I try to become a better person.

Some may say I haven't changed even one bit but I have strong feeling that I am starting to change for the better, like a flower that starts to bloom. I can now make jokes casually and laugh even at the lamest of jokes. I feel that I am quite satisfied at my life as a student, and as a friend. I try to start mending the broken threads of faith and patch up the holes in my life. Everyday I try; Everyday I fall; Everyday I rise again.

The future might still be in a blur but I am happy and contented of what I have now.

Quote for the Day

"Living in Envy is like living in hell."

                                                                                             -Kathy Amores

New Perspective

I didn't want to play it at first. Now, I am simply addicted to the game.

Quote's from the Genius

Compound Interest - "the greatest mathematical discovery of all time"

                                                                                                                          Albert Einstein

Volleyball Galore!

 Ouch. My body is aching all over. I think I have will have a bruise by tomorrow morning. After 2 years, I will be now playing volleyball again. - the sport that I kinda dislike the most.

Why?

It's not because I hate the ball itself. It is because I am afraid that the ball will hit my head that will later cause me mental damage. I am also afraid of serving the ball because it makes my arm sore when I do not hit it at the right position. Well, the fear is still tolerable. If I will be asked to play then so shall it be.

My classmates placed me in the line-up, not as a sub, but as one of the first six players! Imagine my shock when I heard that. It was quite unexpected in my part because I only thought that I would be one of the officiating people.

At first I protested, saying that I do not want to play volleyball. The end. But they said that the list was already past, backing out cannot be done. So I said, "Oh, well, might as well try, I may discover my hidden potential.." Then I insisted to my classmate, Khessa, a great volleyball player, to practice with me because I haven't played for quite a long time. I did not want to be the cause of the downfall for our section. I do not want us to end up losing points because of me.

So I made up mind, I practiced till nightfall and the result was learning the basic techniques in serving and having an aching body. Despite these things, I still felt good because I knew that I can play. Play well for a beginner who just practiced tonight.

'Tis A New Year

I love you 2010. Goodbye 2009.

Well, some say that a new year is a start of something new. We try to forget our mistakes and take a step forward for the better. I mean it is usually for the better.

Kachink. 

New Year's Resolutions are born. We usually base our New Year's Resolution from the things we want to improve within ourselves. Example: If you're a crybaby, you make a promise that you won't cry easily. If you think you are fat, you want to lose weight or become slim. 

Well, I try to do my best to keep my New Year's Resolution but at the middle of the year  tend to forget what I have promised. The things I promised to change at the start of the year gradually reverts back to my old self.

Making a New Year's Resolution is a tradition, passed from generation to generation. Even prime ministers and presidents make their own New Year's Resolution.

I, myself, have one.

I promise that I will do my best never to be late in my classes and meetings that I must attend.

I promise that I will brush my teeth every night and if possible, every after meal.

I will try my best not procrastinate.

Truthfully, procrastination is one of my major problems. It usually brings me to the edge. But since luck is on my side, I never end up falling. Or not.

Criticisms are BAD for my HEART

Well, it's another ordinary day. I do the usual routine of my daily life - wake up, take a bath, change clothes and eat. After all these things, I go to school. The truth is I do not want to go to school. Why? Maybe because I do not have anyone to talk to. Maybe because I do not want to do all those tiresome activities. Or maybe because I am afraid to be judged, criticized.

Criticisms, my adviser says is a good way to help us improve ourselves. If you are criticized, you should feel good because someone even bothers about your own existence. Let's face it. Not everyone wants to be criticized in front of people and I am one of them. When someone says something bad about you in front of your face or behind your back, do you feel good? Or even inspired?

Hell. NO.

Again, my teacher says that if you cannot accept criticisms then you are not mentally healthy. She tells me that I am one of those not mentally healthy people. Maybe she is right, maybe I am not mentally healthy. I sometimes fail to do my responsibility as a leader. I smile when I forgot the things she assigned me to do. I set my emotionless face to work every time she scolds the whole class.

I always feel a gush of guilt and fear, every time I look at my teacher's face. Guilt because I was not able to do my part in the class. Fear because I absolutely do not want to hear her never-ending scoldings. BLAH.BLAH.BLAH.

I admit I am a coward. I fear even the tiniest of things. I do not want people to know my mistakes my disabilities as a person. I do not want my friends to realize that maybe they have chosen the wrong person as a friend.

I am afraid. I feel lonely right now. I want someone to help me. But who will? I wrote this to relieve my emotional stress. I am the only one who could help myself. No one can help me, not even my parents, not even my closest friends.

No one will ever save me from this LIVING HELL.

A New Way of Thinking

All right. Teachers say that, "Cheating is not an art, it is an insult to ones intellect." How can that be possible?When you cheat you still use your intellect, right? 

I am not that much of a cheater but I believe that cheating is complicated and it requires strategies and various techniques. You may think I am weird and idiotic but my revolutionary mind tells me that teachers should be happy when their students cheat during an exam. 

Why? 

I believe that when students cheat, they want to get a higher grade. After all the purpose of cheating is achieving a better grade. So if a student wants to get a higher grade no matter what the method is called PERSEVERANCE and OPEN-MINDEDNESS. 

Perseverance is trying hard while open-mindedness is opening to different possibilities. These virtues are present in cheating. 

Well, there are a lot of ways to cheat. But too much cheating is bad and irritating to other people. Well based from my observations, some people are jealous of cheaters. They envy the cheaters because they can be QUICK and ACCURATE at the same time. Amazing, right?? 

Everybody is a cheater in their own way. Cheating is not that easy but still it requires effort. Effort can be reflected in the strategy of the cheater.

I may sound I am defending the cheaters. But remember everyone is a cheater, so meaning I am defending everyone in this planet.

CRAZY RIGHT?

But that is the INCONVENIENT TRUTH.